Sunday, March 15, 2015

When You're Feeling Weird and Sad and Fucked Up and Kind of Evil.

Think about the time you got too drunk at an open bar on Sunday Funday, threw up in the kitchen garbage can of that Mediterranean restaurant off Castro, and ended up crying on the train platform, being prayed over by a homeless woman because she was so worried about you. Think about how far you've come, and how much more you love yourself now.

Think about that moment when you were 16 and your mama told you she had cancer and the world stopped. Think about how, 15 years later, she's still here.

Think about how you know the difference between "your" and "you're" and "there," "their," and "they're."

Think about how when you were being grown in your mama's belly, all the cells formed at the right pace and went to the right places and  you came out in good shape. Think about how your mama's appendix exploded while you were growing in there and an angel saved you both. Think about how young and scared your mama was, but that she CHOSE you. Think about her incredible courage and sacrifice and be humbled.

Think about your ride-or-dies and how fiercely they love you.

Think about all the good you've done for others as a friend, confidant, teacher in many capacities, home mover, healer, listener, sister, daughter...You have purpose here. You matter.

Think about all the cool shit you've had the fortune to be able to do, learn and experience. Think about the privilege you were born with arriving in the time, place and body that you did.

Think about how they say you're not really a New Yorker until you've cried on the subway, and therefore how much of a New Yorker that makes you.

Think about how you're only getting better, brighter, smarter and more lovely with age. Appreciate this moment and joyfully anticipate further greatness.

Think about how precious and sacred and kind the word "no" can be.

Think about how no plan you've ever made is as good as how things eventually turn out, even if it takes awhile. Let things develop. You have no idea what they mean yet.

Think about how nothing has ever broken you, and this won't, either.