Showing posts from January, 2014

The Ethical Slut

Polyamory is not for me. This became apparent when I read The Ethical Slut a few years ago and marveled at the rigorous personal responsibility and communication necessary to support a healthy, respectful open relationship. There's nothing inherently wrong with a person having multiple romantic partners at once. The problem I see arising as more people take to this relational model is that good communication and personal responsibility are not naturally occurring in most relationships, polyamorous or otherwise. I won't pretend to be some kind of ascendant master. I have made irresponsible choices in my romantic relationships...which is why I feel like it's okay for me to let you know that polyamory probably isn't for you, either.

Like so many things, polyamory is something that's worth doing well. We should strive to be excellent to one another in all our relating, but this becomes especially important the more intimate the relating becomes.
If you are uncomfortabl…

Let The Right One In, or, The Art of Receiving

For a long time now, perhaps for my whole life, I have had trouble with Thank You. It's not that I don't feel gratitude, but the expression of it in certain situations has been uncomfortable to the point of suppressing it entirely. Indeed, I have not been experiencing a lack of gratitude, but a lack of worthiness. To say Thank You was to acknowledge what I had been given and take it in, and I did not feel that I deserved what was being gifted.
This is not an issue of receptivity. I am very receptive, but have simply been absorbing the wrong sorts of things. Rather than opening gracefully to praise, compliments and abundance of all kinds, I have made a home inside myself for fear and negativity. My unworthiness was like a shield deflecting positive attention, only to be cast aside to receive crumbs and criticism. I planted each slur and barb in my heart and nourished them with my continual agreement. I could not receive healthy, lovely things because I could not agree that I wa…