|for the record, these are not my fish.|
This has been the beautiful revelation of my online dating experiment: there are just so many men to choose from in the world! The majority of the men I'm coming across aren't interesting to me, but several of them are and as I am not patient and tactful enough to pull off polyamory, I'm not looking for many men- just one, really great guy. Out of all the possibilities on the planet, there absolutely must be someone out there who's a good match for me. How could there not be? In terms of probability, I might have a better chance of winning the lottery than of not finding a partner.
Being a passionate woman of extremes, in the past I know that I have put a lot of pressure on men I meet. They have tended to either people I would never be with or people I AM GOING TO MAKE BABIES WITH!!! I'm not crazy enough to say this aloud, but I'm definitely thinking it and even I can see that it's sooo scary and unattractive.
Realizing how many potential partners are out there has completely relieved this pressure. If it doesn't work out with one guy, no worries! There are pages and pages of profiles to browse. I'm afraid I sound a bit flippant but it's been extremely healthy and important for me to learn how to interact with someone without immediately mentally marrying him. This is what happens to people who never date casually. If a guy looks at me the right way across a crowded train I begin picking out an outfit to meet his mother. There's no middle ground.
Well, not anymore! I'm learning to keep it light and ease into devotion and commitment. Thank you, internet machine, for opening up the world and showing me just how unnecessary it is to act all crazy and desperate. As my Sassy Gay Friend would say, "You love him? You met him Sunday, it's barely Thursday morning. Slow down, Crazy, slow down." Word.