Back in the day my friends called me The Make Out Queen. I love kissing and used to do it all the time with just about everyone...at concerts, on buses, on the street, even at The Make Out Room one time. If you knew me somewhere between my 19th and 22nd birthdays, there's a good chance we've made out...and because this also coincided with the heaviest drinking period of my life, I might not remember. Sorry! I'm sure it meant something to me at the time.
This week two very different things happened. I came home from White Tantric Yoga in LA flush with a sweet post-yoga vacation buzz and ready to embrace full time greatness by integrating my Siri Sevak self more fully into my life. Later in the week, I relived my early 20's by going out dancing late into the night and making out with a stranger while doing so. It was fun but the rush of kissing someone new gave way to boredom fairly quickly, and in my early 20's tradition I rode the owl bus back to the Sunset by myself. I used to get so high off of kissing on the dance floor, but as it was I got a better buzz doing my bed time meditation while waiting at the bus stop at the end of the night. I think this yoga drug might be...better. Woah! That's new.
It's fitting and interesting to try on these old habits at the end of this particularly long Mercury retrograde and find that they don't fit like they used to. I could certainly still reign supreme as Make Out Queen, but it just wasn't nearly as fun as it used to be. Perhaps, as inner stillness and neutrality take root, the attractiveness of cheap shots of oxytocin wanes. I want life-giving relationships that are just as real, unabashed and radiant as me...and I have a feeling I'm not going to find them in low lit clubs.
Today was Easter. I still can't connect with the hubbub over the resurrection, so I prefer to take a more practical approach to the story. In theory, we spend the Lenten season purifying our whole selves so that when Easter arrives we experience a "springtime of the heart." The resurrection isn't just about Jesus destroying death, it's an offering for rebirth in our daily lives. Thanks to Jesus, master of self-sacrifice and compassion, we are able to move beyond our sometimes dirty human existence into something infinitely purer and higher than we thought possible...in Life! Right now! I'm not talking about "getting saved" or being "born again" (although there is nothing wrong with that). I'm talking about very simply making a new choice and doing it enough times that it becomes who you are. You don't need a priest or a pastor or a rabbi or a minister to save you. You have to save yourself by changing your own life, and you can do that at any time.
Most people don't transform over night. We slip and fall, maybe get real mad at ourselves and slip farther, wallowing in self-pity. Well, get over it. You're fine. Everyone fucks up, it's just a part of the beautiful, weird, funny mosaic that is your life. If you are making major life changes, there will be an awkward transition time where you might live in two different worlds...say, beginning to identify full time with your Highest self and calling while still participating in major PDA with a possibly gay and/or coked out Anthro professor from State (as a totally random example). The only requirement is that you just keep coming back...to the mat, to your practice, to your center...reaching ever higher, getting ever brighter and laughing at yourself as much as possible. It really helps.