My Kundalini Yoga spiritual name is Siri Sevak Kaur. It means "Princess/Lioness of God who does great devotional service, and who loves and lives to serve God." No pressure, right? When I received my name it didn't come as too much of a surprise. I have always loved to help others, doing community service in high school and college although it wasn't required. I just get a kick out of giving back. What was surprising about getting this name was that I didn't mention this in my application. In fact, the little information I did give was about fear, not service. When asked to tell Nirinjan Kaur (the 3HO Chief of Staff and Chief Namer) a bit about myself, I talked about how I had always been filled with a subtle, underlying anxiety and a general mistrust of life.
Today, on a long walk along the ocean between Venice and Santa Monica, I recalled what I wrote almost two years ago and was pleased to find that my heart felt very free. I walked along smiling at everyone, exchanging bits of conversation with strangers, laughing, taking pictures of beautiful things, dashing in and out of the tide. I was in the LA area because I had been divinely shepherded to assist at a special Kundalini meditation course called White Tantric Yoga. The day featured several 31 minute meditations and I was grateful to sit in for almost all of them in part, and the last three in their entirety. Where my White Tantric experience last year was immediately, dramatically altering, this year it is slipping in sweet and subtle, quietly peeling away layers of gunk to reveal...me. No substitutions, no gimmicks, no faking.
Last spring I met a psychic lawyer on a flight to DC who told me that I was hiding my true self, that I wouldn't let anyone around me really see me. I was defensive and incredulous at first- I'm so open, what does this guy know? But like all of his other uncomfortable insights, this is proving to be true. I have been hiding, shying away from my power and the responsibility that comes from having the ability, the desire and the destiny to do profound service in the world. And part of this has nothing to do with avoiding it, but sometimes, like the Monkey King Hanuman, we are totally unaware of how powerful we truly are until someone else points it out for us. Sitting in meditation on Saturday, chanting "I am bountiful, blissful and beautiful. Bountiful, blissful and beautful I am", eyes glittering, smiling wide, beginning to really believe, I got another glimpse of my purest, highest self and boy is she pretty. I have more light in me than I could've imagined and I'd like to let that light shine into the world.
The fear is understandable, though. The brighter you shine, the more noticeable you become and what then? Will the expectations become high? What if I cannot meet them? Will I let people down? Will they still love me? Will I become a target for intense negativity in response to my intense optimism? It feels safer to stay armored, never hoping too much, trying too hard, loving too freely, lest we open ourselves up to hurt, criticism or failure. But I am not content to live that way anymore. It's the half life of those without the courage to stand naked and vulnerable, totally authentic and uncompromising. We only get our light so we can give it away, illuminate truth and mitigate the dark.
Be brave, dear radiant ones. Now is the perfect time to take the bushel off and shine your brightest.
((for more information about spiritual names...http://www.3ho.org/spiritual-names/))